Email cincuenta y cuatro

August 28, 2017 

Last week’s email didn't end up working out, I attached too many photos and videos, and then accidentally hit send before connecting to wifi. After connecting to wifi, I tried to reload the email and send it again, but there were so many files it couldn't reload, and the email mysteriously deleted itself. This all happened at 5:59 on Monday. I got a little frustrated in the moment haha.

To summarize last week, it was a rough week. It's probably for the best that the email never sent, because it was pretty negative. The important thing is that I had a much better week this week.

I hit a low a low point after a lesson with R. Things went south pretty quickly, instead of being able to teach him the commandments, he went off on how he doesn't like fast and testimony meetings in the church. He said that a testimony is when someone sees a miracle and bears witness to it, not simply saying you know something is true. We tried to explain to him our concept of a testimony, but he wasn't buying. I got really frustrated, and almost lost my cool a couple times and started arguing with him, but in the end I decided to keep my mouth shut and just listen to him ramble on. The Spirit was gone for sure.

On the ride back, I got super discouraged. I really should know at this point where all those negative thoughts come from, and how to push them off, but I allowed myself to get frustrated. I had been a long rough week, because I knew I hadn't worked as hard as I should, and I felt like a sorry excuse for a missionary. Later that night, I told Elder Merrill that I felt like everything in my mission was going to crap (actual phrasing that I used). We had a real good chat. He told me of a time in his mission where he and his companion were struggling with obedience, and he felt completely worthless and thought of going home. Then he told me how he has been able to use the Atonement to help him get rid of his guilt and keep working hard. It was really cool.

The next day I sang I Stand All Amazed in Spanish in Sacrament Meeting. I was super nervous, my legs were shaking the whole time. All in all, not too shabby. We did have to program the electric organ to play it in a different key because I couldn't hit a lot of the notes in the original key.

At the beginning of my mission, I would have never agreed to sing in Sacrament meeting, but President Perez really wanted me to, and I really wanted to get on his good side, and I think it worked, so that alone makes it worth it. He told me I have good depth to my voice, and I responded by saying I had no idea what that meant.

Tuesday I was pretty discouraged again. We had squandered away all of Monday night by going out to eat with Randy, and I felt awful about it. I felt like I was wasting my Savior's time. I was also disappointed in myself because every single morning that week, I had fallen asleep on the couch in the morning after 6:30.

Getting up has progressively gotten harder and harder the longer I've been out. When I was a Greenie, I was actually excited to wake up. I wish I could always be my Greenie self. That kid was a stud. My time spent in Russellville was hard, but I knew that I worked my butt off, especially my 3rd transfer there. I knew that I was doing everything I could.

Anyways, all throughout District meeting, thoughts that I wasn't working hard or being obedient
enough were killing me. I talked with Elder Sotomarino after District meeting, and that helped me out. That night I called Elder Jorgensen and talked to him about it, and he gave me good advice. He told me: "You can sleep in a year, but you will never get this time back."

Dad also told me to do cardio in the morning. So this last week, we went to our apartment's fitness center. I was planning on using the bike machine, but Elder Merrill sat down on it to watch videos on his iPad, and if I've learned one thing, you don't mess with Elder Merrill in the morning. That man is the worst morning person I have ever met, worse than Erinn. He is so grumpy.

He told me: "If you do this one thing, our relationship will improve incredibly: when we wake up, don't say a word to me for the first 4 hours, and things will be fine." It has proven to work, we get along way better since I started doing that. So I have made friends with the elliptical machine. It feels super weird at first, but 15 minutes on that bad boy, and you're awake my friends.
This Saturday we met with R again. That morning I was trying to study for him, but I was exhausted and falling asleep in and out at my desk, and it was super hard to focus. Finally, I prayed super hard to know what to teach him, and I heard a still small voice whisper "Teach him about the Holy Ghost." And it dawned on me that testimonies didn't make sense to R because he didn't know who the Holy Ghost is and what he does. After a little bit of Preach My Gospel, I was prepared.

During the lesson, I explained that the Holy Ghost, unlike the Father and the Son, does not have a body of flesh and bones, but is a personage of spirit, which allows him to enter into our heart and testify of truth. When the truth is spoken, the Holy Ghost helps us to feel love, peace, and joy as a confirmation that it indeed is the truth. When this is felt, one has the desire to share this with others, so that when they do, the Spirit can testify to their hearts as well. And that is how a belief can become knowledge, as sure as if we had seen it with our own eyes, and that is how what we do in the church every first Sunday of the month truly is a testimony.

The Spirit touched R's heart and told him that what I was saying was true, and he simply said "Ok, well explained." It was such a tender mercy that I really needed.

We also found a man named G, who came up and talked to us and after we were finished there was a huge rainbow across the sky, and he said he knew it was a sign form God that he needed to talk to us. It was one of the more magical moments of my mission.

Things are good here, I can't complain. I love my mission with all my heart, and I love my Savior and all of you. Have a great week!