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October 16, 2017 

I'll go ahead and break the news. We had a a "missionary musical" yesterday in Walnut Grove, were all the missionaries on the Tennessee side of the mission came together and sang songs and hymns about the Savior and the Restoration of the Gospel for investigators and members. Right before we started, President Hansen pulled me aside and took me outside. He had this look in his eye and his demeanor was very serious. I was a little worried for a second. Then he looked me square in the eye and said "Elder Smalley, I'm going to call you to train." My stomach dropped.

At the beginning of the transfer, President told that in the next couple months he wanted me as either a Zone Leader or trainer, so I knew something was coming. Also, this whole transfer, I kinda had a feeling in my gut that I was going to train. I caught myself thinking so many times thinking "If I train...I'll do this" or "If I was training, I would do this..."

President had also told me that this would be my last transfer with Elder Merrill. I'm super excited to train, but extremely nervous. I really liked the sound of Zone Leader, for good reasons, but also not the best motivations. Full car. Promise of a strong companion. Leadership. Recognition among other missionaries. The more I thought about, the more I realized that I wanted to be Zone Leader to be in the spotlight, for the praise of man, so I could show everyone how hard working and obedient I was.

This week as I was studying from the book of Mark in the Bible, I received some spiritual chastening. In Mark chapter 10, verses 35-45, an account is given of two Apostles, James and John, who come to the Savior with a sincere question. Verse 37 says:

"They said unto him, Grant unto us that we may sit, one on thy right hand, and the other on thy left hand, in thy glory."

They sought their own self-glorification. In verse 38 the the Savior responds.

"But Jesus said unto them, Ye know not what ye ask: can ye drink of the cup that I drink of? and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?
39 And they said unto him, We can. And Jesus said unto them, Ye shall indeed drink of the cup that I drink of; and with the baptism that I am baptized withal shall ye be baptized:
40 But to sit on my right hand and on my left hand is not mine to give; but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared."

Then Jesus hits home the true meaning of leadership.

"42 But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them.

In other words, man's way of leading is to be a boss and a tyrant, using others to serve yourself
43 But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: (the Savior here reminds them that their apostolic calling is not of the world, and that he who leads in the kingdom of God is he who serves)
44 And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.
45 For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many."

President Nelson said regarding those who lead in the church that “...it does not matter where they serve, but how. Position in the Church does not exalt anyone, but faithfulness does.
On the other hand, aspiring to a visible position--striving to become a master rather than a servant--can destroy the spirit of the worker and the work."

Jesus Christ didn't come to this world to be in the limelight. He came to do the will of the Father. He came to serve. He came to have "descended below them all." (D&C 122:8)

Going along with the principle in verse 40, the calling of Zone Leader is not President Hansen's to give, that calling comes from the Lord. But the Lord didn't call me to be a Zone Leader, he called me to train. It is my commission to faithfully fulfill that assignment.

I'm really nervous, training Elder Giles didn't necessarily go as well as I hoped it would in Jonesboro. I always chastised him for little things that weren't obedient, and it drove him insane, and made it hard for us to get along. I really hope I get a trainee who has a strong desire to be obedient, because I told President Hansen I'm going to "give him the book". Exact obedience will be the number one priority, and if this new Elder doesn't like the sound of exact obedience, well things might not go so well for us. For that reason I'm super nervous.

This week we walked, because Elder Merrill can't ride with a broken wrist. Last week's email, y'all might have noticed that all it said was Elder Merrill broke his wrist, and then the rest of the letter went on as normal. I never got to finish that sentence because I needed to send the email before 6. We went roller blading last P-day and Elder Merrill got going pretty fast and hit the wall with his hand. We weren't able to do much this week. Elder Merrill has been struggling with getting up on time for the last few weeks, and his motivation to get out was pretty shot this week.

However this week, we met with a new investigator named Antonio, who we knew from English class. He told us he was really interested. We had a really good Restoration lesson with him and focused on the Book of Mormon.

Preach My Gospel says that you know you are truly following the Spirit while teaching when you

learn something new as you teach. On Saturday, we had a lesson with Antonio, in which I had a cool experience learning about faith. We were pretty happy to hear that not only had Antonio read the introduction, but also the testimonies of the witnesses, and the first two chapters of First Nephi. So we read chapter 3 with him, and then focused on verse 7, and talked about the faith of Nephi. I felt an impression to turn 1 Samuel 17:32 (a footnote from verse 7). I had know idea what I was going to talk about, but we read it together. It was about the story of David and Goliath. "And David said to Saul, Let no man’s heart fail because of him; thy servant will go and fight with this Philistine." We then compared the story of David to Nephi, I had never realized how similar they were. I then said that faith isn't doing what God wants and expecting to get what you want as a result. Faith is acknowledging that God's plan is the better way, and desiring that His will be done in all things. I had never quite thought about it like that before, and it's really changed my perspective on missionary work, and on life as well.

I'm so grateful for the scriptures. I know they are the word of God. I know that as we search them, we will find treasures in heaven, written thousands of years ago, that apply to us right now down here.

Y'all have a wonderful week!